I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
