I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
