OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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