My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
