Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
how does that bad decision feel?
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