sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
