Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
