And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
