Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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