Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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