Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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