Whod you bang
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
