Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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