we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
