I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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