I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
