I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize