Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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