My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
