im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
