I'm so fucking centered right now
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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