I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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