I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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