nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
