just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
two words: eviction party
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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