Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't want my vagina anymore.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
