I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
