Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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