My sheets look like a crime scene.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
