I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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