apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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