Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
