im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
