so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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