If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize