so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
