You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
