the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need water and some morals
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