remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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