You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
