I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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