idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
