Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
