My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
