??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
