You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
