I'm so fucking centered right now
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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