I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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