Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
