Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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