I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
