I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
