i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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