watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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