Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
