My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
