i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
