I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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