I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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