Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
