i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
