I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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