dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
