i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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