Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
