would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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