you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
