Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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