Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize