somebody snuck up and got me drunk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
