What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
then he tried to convert me to islam
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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