so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
