thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
