One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
