he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize