I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
