how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
