i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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