sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
