So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
